i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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