i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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