what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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