4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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