i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
