Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
