That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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