Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
