Farmville is her only friend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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