I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
