hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
