I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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