He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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