He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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