There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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