You can't motorboat a personality
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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