I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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