So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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