i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
