the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
