so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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