I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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