I think I have vodka in my lungs
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
