So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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