If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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