There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
