Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
