More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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