Non-Jews are for practice
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
