i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
