But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
