Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
