If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
