it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
