I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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