It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
