so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
