It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
