just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
