I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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