you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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