we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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