Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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