Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I looked at my own cervix.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
