I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
