I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
