Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
