i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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