glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dick very happy bro
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