Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
