Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
