I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
