its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
zippers are such a cool invention
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
